Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Myrtleford pot growers lament 'legitimate job front' loss

TWO years ago the town of Myrtleford was rocked local jazz band 'Hot Ovens' and also by the closure of the century-old tobacco industry. 'What the hell crops are we supposed to hide our mull plants in?', asked an angry local.

The small town at the foot of the Victorian Alps was dealt a new blow this week with news of 31 lay-offs at the town's biggest employer, the Myrtleford Mill.

Frank Orchiette, pictured, wonders how long his underpaid workers will last without their legitimate jobs of timber milling. Sophie Panopo// Mirabella MP conjectured that she doesn't want 'all those bastards driving past my new fucking house to go to their new jobs at fucking Dominance. I'm sick of being offered a good price for a quarter-ounce at 6 in the morning, especially with my new-born (demon) child and shit. Why don't they build a lipstick plant? Dickheads! You wanna cup of coffee?'

Unease and insecurity were common among residents of Myrtleford and the nearby funnily name Eurobin who fear more jobs will be shed and that locals and their money will leave town. Which is kinda what the tourists want. Unease and insecurity were common among residents anyway, considering they provide Victorians with 40% of their marijuana and 100% of their chop-chop.

The secretary of the forestry branch of the Construction, Forestry, Mining and Energy Union, Jane Calvert, wondered aloud what the hell, really, an American company cared about the Australian workers of a Kiwi company they just fucking took over.

'Euro-bin, look at that sign there. That's where you put your Euro-trash, right?! Hahhaha, burn! Nah, I'm not from DSE', quipped Calvert.

Ms Calvert estimated $1 million in wages would disappear from the town of 3000. Some 4500 people live in the district, +/- Luke Meader if you include Nug Nug.
Mancunian ex-pat David Glenister commented 'Is Chris Judd really the captain of Carlton? Fuck me, that's like putting a Ken-doll head on Barbie!'
Frank Corniola, Myrtleford's Italian Social Club president, was not available for comment.

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