Thursday, September 11, 2008

Hadron collider / end of the world

Journailsts say that a funny thing has happened in the universe. Within the closer presence of Sarah Palin, Bill O'reilly has done a bit of a flip on his party's moral stance on teenage pregnancy.

Heading the team of some world-class skeptic journalists is Professor Jon Stewart.

'We have been closely observing the behaviour of GOPtrons, the small elements present in all quasi-journalistic right-wing TV 'reports'. The strongest sources of these GOPtrons are Karlrovium and Billoreilline. Other sources on the far-right of the periodic table are Michellemalkinium, and Anncoulterium, although those last two are very toxic and should only be approached with the proper protective clothing.'

Professor Stewart says 'As we see it, all particles that spew from the mouth of these sources possess a large amount of spin. Usually to the right. However, in large magneto-political fields created by the family of Sarah Palin, they sometimes perform a complete 180-degree flip.. Curious, indeed.'

Professor Jon Stewart has managed to observe one GOPtron to spin to the right, while simultaneously observing another opposing GOPtron to very closely spin to the left.

'Bringing these GOPtrons into contact with one another, hopefully, will destroy the world as the Republican party knows it. We hope to bring these two sources close together with our Large Hadron Collider, possibly by interviewing Falafel Bill on the Colbert Report, sometime close to the November election. We will ask him to explain himself and see what happens. Heehee hee!'

If what he and his team predict is true, Bill O'Reilly will collapse into a quivering, stuttering plasma and shrink into a tiny ball of light. Then disappear into nothingness with a little 'thwip' sound. All that will be left from this collapse will be a falafel on the seat where Bill used to be.

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